It takes a while for the penny to drop.
Nobody thinks it’s strange when a child falls off their bike while learning to ride it. Or when they swallow water while learning to swim. Or when they read slowly before they can recognise words. We accept that skills require practice and that this practice will feel clumsy before it feels natural.
Then we grow up. Yet suddenly, we’re expected to speak in front of a group, lead a meeting, or give difficult feedback, despite never having practised these things. When we feel uncertain or embarrassed, we interpret this as a lack of talent or the wrong personality type rather than recognising that we are in the middle of a learning process. The problem with skills is that you don’t become proficient just by reading about them. This is why skills, even soft skills, are initially difficult to acquire.
In yesterday’s workshop for Swedbank, we addressed three factors that can complicate matters: sensitive or complex messages, different cultural perspectives and behavioural habits. All three can make even an experienced communicator feel insecure, which is exactly the point. It’s not a sign that you’re bad at it. It’s a sign that the task is difficult. At least until you’ve learnt them — then they suddenly feel natural.
The difference with children is that many adults think they are expected to master these factors immediately. We’re embarrassed to feel like beginners again, but you’re not bad at it. You’re just new to it.
